He always hated these things. There was a time he no longer had to do them, but complications got in the way. Look at them. So desperate to make it. He thought he was better, yet here he is. Right where they are and back where he started. The door opens and the latest of poor SOBs exit the room. You see it on every one of their faces, one after the other. “I think I did alright,” “Oh, that was horrible!”, “Maybe I should just give up and go home.” He knew the story, but he was different. He knew how this world REALLY worked.
ASSISTANT: Mr. LaBeouf?
Shia looks up, almost startled. It was his turn to go in. He gets up and walks into the room.
DIRECTOR: Shia! Long time no see!
SHIA: Hey there, Mike.
And yet here he was. Auditioning for Michael fucking Bay. The nerve on this guy. He didn’t have to audition for the first Transformers, yet there is some sort of apprehension for the 6th installment. Jesus, why did he even agree to do this? Next to Bay was Mark Wahlberg, his new boy toy. Just look at how they side glance each other. Get a room why don’t you?
BAY: Alright, if we could start at the scene where Cade and Sam meet. Is that good for you Mark?
MARK: Yeah, good for you Shy?
SHIA: Shia. And yeah.
BAY: Awesome. Okay and action!
MARK(as Cade): Whoa, man, who the hell are you?
SHIA: I’m Sam Witwicky I--
CADE: Witwicky? Why does that--wait! I know you! Optimus told me about you! You were Bee’s friend! What happened!?
SHIA: Well a couple years ago I--
BAY: Cut!
They stop acting.
BAY: Mark, that was great this character is second nature to you at this point. But Shia…
SHIA: What?
BAY: I don’t FEEL Sam Witwicky when you speak.
SHIA: Mike, I played this character through 3 movies, I think I have it down.
BAY: Yeah, but the Transformers franchise has evolved since then.
SHIA: Evolved?
MARK: Some might even say “Transformed”? Huh!?
Bay and Wahlberg break out in uproarious laughter, Shia barely cracks a smile.
SHIA: Can’t we just cut the bullshit, Mike?
The room gets quiet.
BAY(maintaining a smile): What bullshit?
SHIA: All of this! Those wannabe actors outside, this whole auditioning charade. I’m the only one who’s even played the character, you might as well change it from Sam Witwicky to Johnny Blowfuck without me, so how about we end this and just get back to work?
Bay looks at Shia and then at Mark.
BAY: Mark, could you excuse us please?
MARK: Sure thing, Mike.
BAY: Thanks.
Mark leaves the room. Bay and Shia are alone.
BAY: Shia, we have done 3 movies together and the success I’ve gotten from it I will forever be grateful for. But, can I ask, who was it that left the franchise? Who was it that said “You can take this fluffy fake commercial shit and shove it back up your ass?” Do you remember who?
SHIA: Mike--
BAY: It’s Mr. Bay to you now, Shia. When you told everyone on set to go fuck themselves, I knew it wasn’t personal. You were going through some shit, but for you to come back to me and pretend that I’m just going to give you a job? That's a little..what's the word...entitled.
SHIA(sighs): Mike..
Bay holds up a finger.
BAY: Look, the fact of the matter is, these movies are made for 12 year olds. They want explosions and a badass score with cool chicks running around in the middle of an intergalactic space war between rival robot armies. You’re a great actor, your indy’s are fine. But the kids have no idea who you are anymore and, quite frankly, neither do I. You come in here after 7 years calling me “Mike” as if nothing ever happened? You said it yourself when you were throwing your public hissy fit. You’re just not famous anymore. Happens to the best of us. Listen, maybe you can start off small, I have this new autobot, he’s 4 feet tall and he keeps making cracks about Cade’s wife’s ass its really quiet hilar-
Shia jumps up from his chair and tackles Bay. Before he could get a punch in, he hears:
MARK: MIKE!?
Mark Wahlberg bursts in and restrains him.
MARK: Jesus, what is wrong with you!?
BAY: It’s alright, Mark. Let him go. He’ll never work in this town again.
Shia just looks at Bay with disgust and hatred.
SHIA: Screw you and screw this piece of shit franchise.
He storms out.
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